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He placed his hand on my shoulder, I could feel his warm breath at my neck. “Hold me?” I asked, turning my back to him. “Come in then.” My dad said after I made my request. The wind was howling, the rain was coming down in sheets and the lightning flashed right on top of the thunder, illuminating my dad’s otherwise completely dark room. I hadn’t pretended to be scared of a storm in years but this one made it believable. I hadn’t done so since my mother left.Įxcited by the idea to crawl into my dad’s bed, wearing only my panties and an old t-shirt, I made my way to his room. When I was younger, I remembered, I’d sleep in my parents bed when such a storm raged outside. I thought back on those weeks at home with my dad and knew I would miss them. I lay in bed, thinking the storm symbolized the end of summer well, for I did not wish for school to start already. On the last weekend before school started, a particularly heavy thunderstorm was raging above our hometown. That summer ended like most hot summers do, with thunder and rain. Just like now, he seemed to accept that I had grown more comfortable with my own body and less self-conscious to be around him so. He had known it as a moment in a young girl’s life when her body goes through changes that might embarrass her. It had been years before when I had decided I was no longer a little girl and needed to be fully dressed whenever he was near. My father never said anything about my sudden change in dressing etiquette. They were silly I knew, he would never do such a thing and I would try to banish such unworthy thoughts. I would blush and whimper when these fantasies came to me unbidden. He would grab me, his daughter, and do unspeakable things to me. I fantasized sometimes, that my young body was too arousing for him to control himself. I wanted him to confirm that I was a young woman now and no longer a little girl. In a way, I think I was looking for his approval.
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His attention was much more valuable than any boys who’d look at any girl crossing their path. When he did look, it felt like proof proof that I was attractive and sexy, worth looking at. Not my dad though, he wasn’t supposed to look, he wasn’t supposed to be interested in what I showed him. The excitement I had felt that first time, returned every time I saw or even just imagined him looking.īoys had looked at me before, of course. I don’t know why I behaved this way but I liked it when he looked at me. I did not hide in my room, but went there were my dad could see. The following weeks I spent a lot of time at home, dressed in a similar way: always just panties and a t-shirt or a bra.
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I imagined his eyes following me as I ascended the stairs, fixated on my bare legs.
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I turned away from him before the TV could claim his attention again. He did not comment on my lack of trousers, so I did not need to complain about the warm weather. He looked surprised then, though I don’t know whether it was because of my state of undress or because I’d been so considerate as to freely offer him a drink. When I returned with his drink, he did turn to watch me. “If you could grab me a beer, hun.” He replied. “Would you like something to drink?” I offered thoughtfully on this warm day. This is why he didn’t see me nervously descend the stairs. He was watching football of course, or like most of you probably call it: soccer.
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Still, I hadn’t shown this much bare skin to him in a long time. They were ordinary panties, nothing sexy, dark blue cotton that covered the majority of my backside. It was too warm to wear clothes I would protest. I remember the first day I left my room wearing nothing more than my panties and a bulky t-shirt. The high temperatures gave me the excuse I needed. This helped me make that first step in this journey, but I can’t pretend it was the main reason for doing what I did. It had been years since mom left us, so it was just the two of us. This meant that I spent the summer at home with my dad. I still went to school back then, or college, whatever you call it in your country. It was a very warm summer that year, high temperatures and minimum rainfall.